Yes, I blog? Hmmm
I’ve never actually had an official blog. In high school, I created a xanga-account that I wrote in once in a while, but ended up keeping it private…so it was pointless. I think I got it just b/c everyone was getting it and I wanted to be ‘cool’ too.. I’ve realized that I’m not much of a writer-my vocabulary is very limited (as you will soon find out) and my grammar sucks especially when i’m tired. still, I decided to risk embarrassing myself b/c I just felt the need to have some sort of journaling. My handwriting is barely legible (just a little bit better than gpho’s 
haha) , and I like typing better…so I knew that this will probably work the best..(although it took me almost a month to finally write one entry). So I asked Jjajang to design and make my blog b/c I’m lazy and I knew she’d be good at this stuff (yeah, give her e-props). Interestingly, she wrote ‘Yes, I blog’ on the header and got me to think, write, and share why I’m starting to blog.
thinking.
I honestly believed (for a long time) that I never really spent much time to think. I usually just knew what was right at the time and went with it. I rarely thought about the future and always believed that ‘I’ll be fine.’ I’m not sure whether it was from mere laziness to think and analyze how I was doing or whether I had faith in myself and/or God. Recently, I’ve caught myself thinking and daydreaming a lot…and hear people asking “alex, what are you thinking about?” “What’s going on?” I guess I’ve realized how much I think about a lot of things now. Part of me tells me that I am maturing by thinking and asking myself some hard questions. The other part of me worries me that I’m turning sliiiiiightly feminine by thinking and analyzing too much stuff..haha no offense to guys/ girls. As much as I hate the gender stereotypes, I personally believe that girls do think more (and about more stuff). Either way, it’s new for me, and I don’t like it. But if I’m going to think, I want to think well
writing.
I don’t think I particularly enjoy writing. Wait..I put that way too nicely. I for sure know that I hate it. I feel like anything other than online chatting or my ridiculously random yet continuously rambling emails (some of you know) makes me feel like I’m doing an assignment of some sort. In elementary school, one of my teachers made the entire class write a journal entry EVERY SINGLE DAY for a whole year, including winter break and summer. So ridiculous. And then any other type of actual writing was never really enjoyable-from awful research papers to easy, bs papers that I had to write as I grew up. So why write now? the more I think, I’ve realized that writing or expressing myself in certain ways really does help clearing and organizing my thoughts. In the future, it’ll help me to recognize my sins and find solutions for certain issues. I think everyone knows this, and I think that I was either stupid enough to not know it or was in serious denial that writing is actually important in my life.
sharing.
I think this is my worst area out of all. It is quite difficult for me to open up and share what is on my mind (this is an understatement). I always thought it was because I didn’t have much to share-going back to me not thinking about much stuff. I’ve realized that this is not true, and I should start sharing every now and then. I still tend to stick to my old self and feel uncomfortable sharing my thoughts or circumstances with even my close friends. I know that it makes many people, including my family, frustrated and worried. Part of this issue is definitely pride and not wishing to be vulnerable to others. I often have trouble dealing with situations, in which I feel like I’m being the burden. I used to think that I acted this way to care for them. But for a long time, I’ve noticed that the bigger part that prevented me from sharing was my own pride of trying to be ‘perfect’ while hiding my faults and weaknesses. It is surprising how pride can exist in various forms to lead to numerous sins. When Romans 3:23 clearly states that I am a sinner, I have been hiding and may be even denying my sins. I’ve been tryin to perfect myself on my own, simply forgetting about the Cross.
So…it seems like I’m not quite comfortable or used to thinking, writing, and especially sharing. But I think it’s time for me to change and (hopefully) grow. By avoiding these things, I feel like I have been trying way too hard to avoid certain issues or just deal with them myself. In order to prevent myself from being self-reliant and wrongfully independent, I plan to think, write, and share prayer requests/praise reports in future entries.
I just hope and pray that God will grant me the wisdom to think, boldness to write truthfully, and the humility to share with my fellow beloved brothers and sisters.
So there- yes, I blog.
ps. I normally think as I write and write as I think. So if whatever I said doesn’t make much sense, my bad..
pps. wow this took longer than i thought. i hate writing
